Deep-Well Friendships

Friendships are an aspect of life that I cherish dearly. As I see it, I didn't have much time as a child to build friendships as we frequently moved and I attended 6 or 7 different schools. My mother, on the other hand would tell you, I was the bossy-type of kid that probably was so intrinsically minded, I didn't notice I wasn't building friendships b/c I was too busy running them off. I was my own best friend. However, I do have a couple of friendships from HS and college that are invaluable to me and I'm glad they continue today. But it wasn't until I was in my mid 20's, closer to 30 maybe that I realized what friendship was all about and how I wasn't doing it very well. How nice it would be to live in retrospect!! We all know that hindsight is 20/20 and since I can't go back, I can, at the least, be the best friend I can be today and leave that legacy by instilling in my children the value of friendship and how to be a good friend!

Our family had a recent conversation about meaningful friendships after someone had a disappointing response from a friend in a time of need. For some (not all of us) it takes a lot of effort to open up and share with others and for those types of personalities it's disappointing to be met with apathy. But we have a God who hears all: cries of excitement and troubles. But who can deny that we sometimes need an ear in the flesh: Our men need a listening ear they are not married to, our children need someone other than the always understanding Mother, and let's just admit it...we Momma's need any old one to listen on some days!) That would be a friend, a friend who can listen and respond.

No-one ever taught me HOW to be a friend. I didn't have that luxury. But what I did learn about friendship, I learned from His Word and from others who knew how to be a friend. When I thought about the dilemma mentioned above, I thought "Wow, your friend just doesn't understand what it means to lend a friendly ear." How guilty have I been at that. Then the Lord brought to mind special friends in my life that taught me about friendship. He a lot about friendship...

Through friends who stick together and even sacrifice their own bike when your tire blew out on the 10th mile of the race?


And the ones that get dirty with you when life gets messy?

And the ones who know how much you need that extra love? (as they "sqooshy" you in the Classy Clowns own words)



Then there are those who come to celebrate your successes!





Upon self evaluation, I acknowledged I do some friendships very well and some poorly~typically due to my communication skills. I'm sure this is true for all of us, I hope anyway. There have been books upon books written on friendships; How to be one, How to make some, How to set boundaries with them, and even how to get rid of others. But today, I challenge us to think about what are we communicating to our friends?? Are we genuinely interested in their lives. Do we ask with intentions of hearing? Do we give them the sqooshy hugs they are needing? Do we celebrate their successes? Are we sacrificing in their time of need? Do we get messy when it's necessary? 'What kind of a friendship are we communicating to others?' Are we a 'shallow-well' friend or a 'deep-well' friend?

If you are not familiar with water wells here is a brief description: A water well is an excavation or structure created in the ground by digging, driving, boring or drilling to access groundwater in underground aquifers. There are two broad classes of drilled-well types, based on the type of aquifer the well is in:

• Shallow or unconfined wells are completed in the uppermost saturated aquifer at that location (the upper unconfined aquifer).
• Deep or confined wells are sunk through an impermeable stratum into an aquifer that is sandwiched between two impermeable strata (aquitards or aquicludes).

There is one thought and two words that stand out to me here. The first thought is how one develops a well--'digging, driving, boring or drilling'--isn't that a lot like friendship? Sometimes we go through all that messy, sweaty, tearful work smattered with laughter of course, to find a deep meaningful friendship and sometimes all of that labor yields an incompatible union or maybe we end up with an acquaintance that is fair and well.

The two words that stood out to me were impermeable and saturated. Are we watching for those moments when someone is trying to sink down into an impermeable area and share their heart? Or do we recognize that they need to? Do we float along the saturated area of our lives, paddling by with a mere head nod to their words, lacking compassion or interest (maybe time)?
God's word says in Proverbs 18:24 that "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin..."

In life we will have many levels of friendship, you can't be deep heart friends with too many people and do it well. But you can do all friendships well, regardless of their level. It's just not possible to to reach the impermeable strata with everyone....then it would be permeable thus becoming saturated! But if you are sitting on the upper levels never going deep with anyone you are missing out on incredible friendships sandwiched b/w two impermeable strata. I find we stay near the surface when we are more concerned for ourselves than others.

Although we can't all be deep-well friends, we can be deep-well communicators even with shallow-well companions. That is even in our brief encounters, small conversations, infrequent visits, or catch up times...we can sink into the impermeable stratum with genuine love, concern for others, good eye contact, a listening ear, thoughtful responses, and a warm heart. Be a deep-well listener and respond with compassion and bear in mind that some people, including our self, can be saturated with other friends, their own troubles, busy schedules, pride and ego, or the inability to know how to be a friend.

PRAISE POINT: I am guilty of talking too much, thinking of my own responses, joking about a situation, or dominating an interaction and that is just as rude and insensitive as ignoring, yawning, or showing disinterest. I thank the Lord for opening my eyes to those insensitivities and allowing me to grow in the area of friendship. I pray, Dear Reader, that you stop to ask Him to open your eyes to any areas He may want to grow you in concerning communication and friendship. If you ask He will point them out. Now if he can help me have genuine love for those who don't love me!☺ Remembering, Proverbs 18:24 "A man who has friends must himself be friendly..."

PRAYER POINT: Dear Heavenly Father, you have sent us an all time deep-well Friend and we are forever grateful for the mercy and grace you bestow upon us as we fail that friendship many times over. Thank you for your forgiveness in the times we have failed You and others. May you continue to teach us compassion, humility, love, and forgiveness as we seek to put others first and show genuine concern. Bring to us the encouraging friendships we need, the ones that will strengthen us and build us up. Lord, help us to be a Jonathan to the Davids in our life--providing support, protection, and exaltation, a Ruth to the Naomis--offering sincere respect, loyalty, and trust, and a Christ-like friend to all--with love and forgiveness! And may we reconcile those friendships that have failed due to our own sinful patterns so that You can receive the honor and glory due you. May we accept those who fail us because they have not responded in a way we see fit. May we be forgiving of those who can't be what You can!
May He find us sinking deep and not floating by!